Monday, October 15, 2012

What Is Different This Time. // Stephanie E.

Weight loss in real life is messy. Probably because life is a shit-show.

My name is Stephanie and I am your classic girl who has been overweight her whole life. My weight has fluctuated with every diet I have tried (and like many of you, I have tried them all). In high school I weighed between 175 and 210 pounds depending on the year. Then I went to college and was met with a 40-pound weight gain from my freshman year to my senior year. Thank you, microbreweries and $1 well drinks at 80s Night.

So why? Why the weight issues? This question is so loaded that I can’t even answer it here because I don’t know the entire answer myself. I have experienced too much death in life, which probably has a lot to do with it. My mom died when I was eight; my father- and uncle-in-law died a month after I got married in a crazy fishing accident; and just this year, my younger cousin who was born with a brain injury died at age 10. So yeah, that’s pretty shitty. Emotional eating has been the cause of probably half of the weight I have packed on.

But my life isn’t all sadness and tears; I have a good life! I have a great husband and family. Amazing friends. I am a teacher, so I obviously love my job. So I settle back to the question: WHY? Why did I let it get this far?

I don’t know. I do know that the night I stumbled upon Mama Laughlin’s blog something clicked in me. I DO NOT WANT TO LOOK LIKE THIS ANYMORE. Mama wasn’t judgmental. She was honest about the fact that she was a fat girl who loved food. Me too. She didn’t act like she was the goddess of fitness or that she knew all the secrets to get skinny. Like that one personal trainer who gained a bunch of weight then lost it so he could “identify” with his clients. What the fuck is that? Is being fat a joke? But I digress…

So, what is different this time around? I am not going to say that I have been completely 100% on track since finding Mama’s blog and being a part of the Fit Camp. That would be a complete lie. I, in fact, am coming off of a three-week Halloween candy binger--why do they sell that stuff so damn early? I do know that I keep going back even after chowing on Twix bars without control. I do know that even with my eating, I have been somewhat keeping up with my fitness. I do know that the ladies of this blog and of Fit Camp inspire the hell out of me. And I know without a doubt that I don’t want to gain back the 21-pounds I have lost since July. Mama’s journey and your journeys are constantly at the back of my mind, reminding me what I can have with a little determination.

I still have a long way to go. 50 pounds at least. Of course there will be setbacks and there will be times I don’t want to get up at 5am to work out. I just have to remember why I am doing this—that I am doing it for ME and I am treating my body with the respect I have deserved my whole life.

We all deserve to feel good about our bodies. That thought is what is different this time.

To read more about Stephanie’s weight loss journey, check out her blog, Wannabe Mama.

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing this! I love the title of your blog, what is different this time...same for me. What is different for me this time is I'm not starting over. I deserve to get the healthy, hot body I know I can acheive!! Keep up the good work!

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  2. So sorry for the devasting events in your life thus far, but congrats to taking control and realizing how you got there! We are all here for you, keep up the great progress!!

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  3. Love your honesty with where you've been, where you are and where you're going! You're one tough chick! (someone reminded me of that recently...it was nice to hear and applies to you too) ;)

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