Tuesday, November 13, 2012

My Second Ah-ha Moment. // Nickie C.

I never thought that after starting my journey I would need a second “come to Jesus” meeting with myself over my weight.  But apparently my hard-headed butt did!

My first ah-ha moment came on August 27, 2011 sitting in a hotel room in Atlanta, GA.  I was in town attending a conference for work and had just gotten in from having dinner with friends.  Some co-workers invited me out for a drink at a nearby club and all I remember feeling was miserable.  I was so self-conscious being in a club setting and wound up leaving after about 30 minutes, walking back to my hotel room and ordering a second full dinner.  The entire time I ate, I cried.  At that point I realized, this was not who I wanted to be.  At 26 years old and 267 pounds, I had morphed from the fun loving, always having a good time, social girl I had been in college to a person I didn’t recognize.  A person who was spending a Saturday night alone and crying in a hotel room because I was so uncomfortable with who I was that I was unable to just have fun.  

So the next day, I got my ass in gear.  I set a goal to lose 100 pounds and attacked it with a one-track, obsessive focus.  I joined a gym and started exercising every single day.  I started cooking and eating healthier meals and watching my calorie intake.  If I wanted McDonalds, that was fine, I would get a kids meal and make sure I ran an extra mile or two.  And it worked.  Within a year I was down 83 pounds - 17 away from my goal and feeling completely on top of the world.

And then I got cocky.  And reality kicked me right in the lady balls.

In October I decided that I had “conquered” the weight loss thing and I got lazy with it.  I decided I didn’t need to sign up for another Boot Camp at the gym, I could do it on my own.  I didn’t need to count every single calorie and stick to a daily range, I could just guesstimate my intake and eat whatever I wanted.  I also chose this exact same time to start dating again, change to a new birth control and manage our company softball team.  Oh, and did I mention that October is our busiest, most stressful month of the year at work.  Yeah, probably not the best time to overload myself with outside stressors.  

Basically I overwhelmed myself, but hey, I can handle it.  I’m a weightloss rockstar, right?

WRONG!

What happened?  The more stress that piled on, the more I reverted back to my old habits.  Hitting up fast food for dinner, putting off exercising until the next day because I was too tired (and then the next day, then the next, etc), going to grab a beer to relieve stress instead of running, well, you get the idea!  Within 3 weeks I had gained back 12 pounds (amazing how fast those buggers can come back, yet it can take months to lose them).  The gut check moment came when I went to put on the size 12 jeans I had just fit into 3 weeks prior.  The bitches wouldn’t even come close to closing.  And that is when I had my second ah-ha moment.  Until that point I could live in denial because my clothes were still fitting.  I had moments during my weight loss before where I would gain a few pounds, but I had never gone back up a size.  Having to dig out my 14’s from the donation bag was hands down the most humbling experience I’ve had.  And it woke my ass up.  

What I learned that night was that losing weight is something you have to work on every. single. day.  It is not something that you can do and then go back to old habits and magically stay the same size.  You have to make and dedicate to a life change.  And in my case, you HAVE to address the external reasons you gained the weight.  Losing weight is just as much a mental battle as it is physical.  I do not handle stress well.  I am an emotional binge eater and I get lazy when I feel exhausted and stretched too thin.  I need group fitness classes and a gym membership to keep me accountable, because I will not do it on my own.  Too much change at one time freaks me out and I have a tendency to slip into a depression.  So overloading myself and getting over-confident in my abilities set me up for failure.  But the difference between today and before is that I caught my mistake and instead of wallowing in self-pity and continuing to binge and let myself gain everything back, I’m correcting the behavior.  I’m not going to beat myself up over this.  Instead I’m using it as a learning experience, a what-not-to-do.  No one said this journey was going to be easy, but at the end it is going to be worth it!  And damn it, I deserve it!


// Nickie C. 

15 comments:

  1. Congratulations on the weight loss! And good for you for not letting it take over again! I'm an emotional eater too and struggle with it most days! You are looking good!

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  2. Nickie, Thanks so much for your post. I was away this weekend and ate like a pig. And feeling really defeated. I came home and loaded your blog, re-read it, and got my ass in gear with a little 30 Day Shred. Your words motivated me and for that I thank you. Congrats on your progress and you look great! ~ Jen J.

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  3. Nickie, you look great! Thanks for sharing your story! It's definitely easy to fall off the wagon and not fair that we can gain weight back so easily! Keep it up girl! You're a rockstar and you got this!

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  4. Thank you guys so much! I love coming to this blog and reading all the great stories, and then the supporting comments. It is great to have a community that you can go out of your comfort zone and completely open up to!

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  5. Congrats on your progress! You look great! Thanks for such an honest post. I, too, am an emotional eater and am frequently guilty of eating away stress/sadness instead of exercising it out.

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  6. I feel like I have a "Come to Jesus" moment each time I overindulge in anything. I am paranoid to fall off the wagon. May that always, always be the case. Kudos for not letting it get totally out of control before you caught it!!

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  7. I loved this:

    What I learned that night was that losing weight is something you have to work on every. single. day. It is not something that you can do and then go back to old habits and magically stay the same size. You have to make and dedicate to a life change.

    TOTALLY TRUE! I feel the same way lady! I need to get my emotional/stress eating in check too and rely on the good habits I've formed and not on the bad ones I'm trying to get away from.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. And PS. You look so good!!

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  8. Sooooo true! Great post! You look fab and you will succeed!

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  9. Thank you all so much for the encouragement!

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  10. Nickie, you look great! Keep up the good work. And thank you for the blog post, it really helps to keep me motivated when I read about everyone's struggles and that I'm not the only one.

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  11. WTG!! I think it's hard not to get too cocky when you are doing well. Great reminder that you have to keep yourself in check!

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  12. Thank you for this! You are such an inspiration!!! Do you have your own blog, because I would really love to follow you!

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    1. Thank you Becky! I tried doing my own blog a few years back, but never kept up with the posts. Now I pretty much just overload everyone on Facebook, ha ha! Have a great Thanksgiving!!!

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  13. You are most definitely an inspiration, Nick. Also, if I might add, quite the writer.

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