Sunday, January 13, 2013

Not So Glamorous Fitness Jargon. // Jen J.

More often than not, fitness is raw and sloppy.  Especially for us husky girls who are typically grunting our way through workouts while leaving a trail of sweat marks around our lady bits.    I find it helps to laugh through the uncomfortableness and I hope you do too.  While running on Friday, I thought of some what I think are funny terms related to our wellness journey and I figured I might-as-well try to make a post out of it.  Without further adieu here's a glimpse into how my mind works and my effort to make light of this journey.

Double Down. - Get your mind out of the fat girl gutter!  No, I am not referring to Kentucky Fried Chicken's sandwich of bacon and melted cheesed pinched between two pieces of fried chicken.    Double down in the fitness world is when a well endowed broad has to secure her knockers down with either duct tape or two sports bras in order to avoid a black eye. 

Chub Rub. - Have your thighs every rubbed together so much that you have sworn your control-top pantyhose were going to catch on fire?  Or better yet, have you experienced the embarrassing swoosh of corduroy?  Pudgy gals also experience this when they work out and their upper-inner thighs rub together so much that they get chaffed and develop a rash.  I realize that most of you have probably heard of this term before as it not original to me, but it is the lead in to my next term so deal. 

chub rub / thrash rash
Thrash Rash. - This is the not-so-scientific proper name for the rash that develops from chub rub.  It's not good my friends.  It hurts and is unsightly.  At all costs, you do not want your man to see it while engaging in sexy time.

Titbit. - This is what I've coined my Fitbit because I keep it secured on the bridge of my bra between my bosom.  Anytime I can add a little sex appeal to anything, I do, and that is exactly what I've done here. 

Superficial Weight Loss. -  This is a temporary weight loss that occurs after such activities as sweating your vajazz off in a hot yoga class or after dropping a big deuce. 

Yogart.  - Speaking of yoga, a yogart is an anal salute to your fellow yogis while twisting and bending like a pretzel.  Typically it sneaks out with no warning at all.  Trust me, it is a fact, if you practice it long enough you, YES EVEN YOU, are bound to eventually pass gas from your ass during yoga class. 
That is the extent of what I could come up with - five lousy terms.  But I'd love to add to this collection of fitness jargon.  So if you have a term, please provide it in the comments below with it's definition and your first name and last initial.  If it makes me chuckle, I will add it to this blog post (or if I get enough, I'll do a sequel) and give you a nod of credit.




9 comments:

  1. Lmao! I'm dying! Yogart is hilarious!!

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  2. LoL. I got no terms to add, but damn you're f.u.n.n.y!

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  3. LoL. I got no terms to add, but damn you're f.u.n.n.y!

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  4. I'm totally going to be thinking about fighting back a yogart when I'm in yoga class Tuesday night...

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  5. I like "going balls-out." It's like beast mode without the grunting.

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  6. An Assdana:
    A long sleeve shirt a woman ties around her waist while working out, or otherwise wearing skin-tight pants, to hide her ass. (Did you see the girl on the treadmill wearing the assdana? Why the hell wear skin-tight pants if you have to cover it up with an assdana??)

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  7. Ha-Lar-Ry-Us. Seriously. Hilarious. It makes me feel a little less shameful knowing I'm not the only one who gets a chub rub/thrash rash from hell if I don't wear the right pants. Funny story: I had a chubby friend post pics of her - get this - CORDUROY LEGGINGS on fb. Oh no she didn't. I warned her not to run in them under any circumstances unless she's looking to start a fire. Who came up with that brilliant idea...corduroy leggings.

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  8. Because I'm so mature, let me tell you that when I scroll down the page, the big red pinterest P covers the whole chub rub area and also the gas pass on the bottom picture. it is really hilarious.

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