Sunday, January 20, 2013

PSA. Don't ask Stupid Questions. // Jen J.

I don't claim to be a moral authority or anything but since I have the keys to the FU blog kingdom I am going to take the opportunity to provide you all with a Public Service Announcement.

The saying, "there is no such thing as a stupid question" is complete dung.  Bullshit, I say. 

I have concluded that there are three stupid questions you should never ask a woman.  This conclusion is based upon my own experiences and those of the ladies in Fit Camp.

1.  When are you going to get married?  I have gotten this one a ka-zillion times; as my BF and I have been dating for four years and living together for two.  Recently, I was at a family party and my Aunt said in front of everyone that I may have to think twice about my BF because I ain't getting any younger.  This question followed the discussion of my younger cousins wedding registry.  Do I wish that my BF and I were married?  Why, yes I do.  Like yesterday.  This is no secret.  Am I aware my biological clock is ticking?  Duh, at age 32, I sure do.  Did I need it to be pointed out publicly - albeit in front of my family?  Nope.  Gee, thanks, Aunt!  In fact, my eyes welled up a bit.  Just like everything else, there is more to the story.

My BF gave up everything to move across the country for me and to me his move is was a bigger commitment than putting a ring on my finger.  His life had to be molded to mine.   And let me just say, going from long distance relationship where everything is fun, fun, fun, to co-existing is not easy.  One minute I was jet setting off to see him and the next reality sets in and laundry must be done and toilets scrubbed.  Thank goodness, I can say we have finally got into the groove of things but the "growing pains" definitely delayed the "I dos".   Did I want to share the ins and outs of all this with my family.  Hell to the no.

2.  When are you going to start a family? 
First, I will say that I think it is completely acceptable if a couple decides not to procreate.  I do not that it is for everyone and I bet it takes a lot of thought and struggle for a couple to deviate from a "social norm".

Personally, I want kids and hope that someday I am blessed with them.  But that is exactly what they are, a blessing.  It is not always easy to get knocked up.  Infertility is pretty common, if you have not struggled with it yourself, then I am sure you at least know someone who has.  This is why I hate this question.

Since I have never tried to get pregnant, I cannot speak from experience, but I can only imagine that struggling with infertility is emotionally, physically, and financially draining.  And depending on the infertility issue, I am sure it can be embarrassing.  Couples do not need any extra pressure so just avoid going there. 

3.  When is your baby due or are you pregnant?
I would like to think that men are the biggest culprits of this one - but I have heard women ask it too.  Bottom line - even if you suspect someone is expecting, DO NOT ask.  If they wanted you to know, they would tell you.  Do you really want to risk insulting someone and and their watermelon belly to satisfy your curiosity?  I used to work for an amazing apple shaped woman and witnessed her being asked this multiple times.  To see the devastation and humiliation in her face when she had to respond, "I am not pregnant, I am just fat" broke my heart.  Anyone that is overweight, knows they are overweight and the last thing they need is someone reenforcing that in an awkward manner. 

Tell me people, are there any other stupid questions?


  1. Should you be eating that?

    I used to get that question when I was heavier by strangers. Yes, I am 5'0 tall and 180 pounds. No, my weight does not give you the right to tell me how to eat. If I want to stuff a fat cheeseburger in my face then I can.

  2. When are you going to get a real job/ go back to work/ start using your degree? 1. If you don't think being a full-time parent is a "real job", then you've never done it for more than 2 days in a row. 2. I will go back to work full-time if and when it's the best choice for my family (first) and I (second). 3. I admit, my FIRST degree was a bit of a stretch. I intend to leverage my ADVANCED degree when my children are a bit older & our family has more stability. Thanks for asking!

  3. A "friend" told me she was concerned that I had a tumor because my stomach was so big. That's the top of my all time insulting things anyone has ever said to me.

  4. My former work nemesis told me she had lost weight and then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to buy the pants that no longer fit her off her (you know, before she posted them on eBay).

  5. I so agree with That's Ms. Amy to You! I have been a full time mom for 4 years and I am asked often why I don't work? Why don't I have my children in day care? Why don't I use my skills to get ahead in life. BUT my favorite stupid question is ... wait for it ... WHY DON'T YOU GET BACK WITH YOUR EX HUSBAND. AT LEAST THEN YOU HAD ALL HIS MONEY AND NOT JUST HALF. Yep, that was the doozy that had me laughing my ass off for a really long time.

  6. Because I have a baby, people automatically say "Knapp is your married name?" Thanks for asking, but no. I'm a single mom. "Single mom? How do you do that???" I make it work asshat.

    The single mom question is my all-time favorite over the past year. Seriously? It's not an easy job and, no, I don't want to be a single mom, but dammit, I'm doing what's best for me AND for my little man. Ugh. Sorry for the rant. lol

  7. I had two miscarriages before having my son and daughter, who are two years part. After my daughter was born, my asshole sister in law said, "Can you believe that you would have had four kids now", counting my two miscarriages. I wanted to cry and beat the shit out of her. Who says this kind of shit?

  8. Great post and thank you for including the baby question! I'm about to go for IVF número four to try for baby #2. I feel so lucky to have my daughter, but it took blood, sweat, and lots of tears. I would try to avoid the baby question like the plague but people are relentless! And people are not happy or satisfied until you have at least two kids. I swear the questions about "having another" came before my c-section scar closed shut! ;)

    Some (f-ing) people!!


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