Thursday, March 7, 2013

S-t-r-u-g-g-l-e. // Brenna C.

When I told the wonderful women behind “Fitness Unscripted” that I wanted to do another guest post for this blog, I was lying.

Kind of.

Only a little bit.

I did want to do another post. That was the truth. What I did not tell them was the purpose of this post was going to be completely self-serving. This post isn’t just for you – it’s for me. I might as well be upfront about that.

Now…you are probably wondering what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks I am talking about, aren’t you? Well, here it is:

I need help.

I am struggling, and I don’t know why. And I need help.

To be more specific: It’s not that I’m gaining weight or getting lazy. Month to month, I’m still losing, albeit more slowly. I’ve only had the odd week where I’ve gained anything. And that’s to be expected. But I AM struggling with my eating. We’re talking sugar cravings that just don’t stop. And even worse? I’m struggling with my mindset. It’s rough, I tell you.

Some days, I just don’t want to do “this” anymore (so much for my “lifestyle change” blitherings!). Other days, I really want to keep going (my ultimate goal is to be in the range of 148-153, and right now I’m sitting at 155 or so. Frankly, I’d be happy to see that 148 just ONCE, even if I don’t stay there – because then I can say that I lost 50 pounds. Ha.) Then dome days, I want to dive head first into a box of pizza and a bag of donuts (but I don’t). Other days, I just feel SO READY for maintenance – to be able to eat those few extra hundred calories a day, and worry less about whether or not every bite I take is going to muck up my next weigh-in. And yes, of course I still have days where I feel like a rockstar and think it’s absolutely awesome to eat oatmeal and kale and spinach all the time. But, those days are getting fewer and farther between. As I said…struggling.

The biggest concern for me is how I obsess about food. I can’t say that strongly enough. I OBSESS about it. Some days, it’s all I can think about. To the point where if I DO indulge on a little extra something delicious, I can’t even enjoy it. Instead, I beat myself up (figuratively speaking, | promise). And I do it whether I eat 500 extra calories or only 50. It’s ridiculous.

(Of course, it doesn’t help that I have an anxiety disorder. I tend to obsess about things far less important things on a daily basis. I swear, sometimes my brain is torturing me. Thank goodness for medication!)

The point is, it’s all making me miserable. Will I ever get to the point where food won’t be at the front and centre of my mind ALL.THE.TIME.????

So how can you help? Tell me if you’ve experienced this. Support helps. Have you found something that helped you to distract yourself, or stop obsessing? Should I be making monthly goals, or taking it one week at a time? Is daily planning making it worse? Leave a comment (either here or on my own personal blog:Baby Steps ) and let me know if you’ve got answers. If you’ve got anything to say, at all, to help a girl out – let me know!!!!
For those of you who didn’t know me before this post….My name is Brenna. I’ve birthed two babies. I wanted to set a good example for them. I started this journey at 198 and now weigh 155. I’ve gone from being lazy, to being a cardio junkie, to hitting a good balance of strength, cardio, and rest. From eating fast food several times a week to only a couple of times per month. I should be delighted with my progress, and of the positive changes that I’ve made. I shouldn’t feel like a failure just because I ate a few too many chips one night or because I can’t fit into a size 6...right?

And yet, I struggle…

7 comments:

  1. I understand this as I too obsess but I've learned that letting it go has done wonders. I allow myself one cheat meal a week and it's helped. I think when we have a certain number in mind we go crazy whether it be a jeans size, a weight, a mile per minute. That damn number does a number on us mentally, physically, etc. Maybe try to focus on a different number like I'm going to be able to 25lb bicep curls or I'm going to try to drink -- water. Focus on the good numbers in your life and then maybe the number you want to see will appear. It's worked for me. I'm 50 lbs lighter and 50 more to go. But I'm not stressing because I know all the work I'm doing is making me healthier I know that how I lose my weight is how I want to live. You can do this. You've accomplished so much already. Keep up the great work girl

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  2. First of all, you have done an amazing job!

    I struggle with a lot of the same things you do! I obsess like crazy!
    The only thing that I find really helps me is to stop looking at numbers. Don't weigh yourself for a month. Don't track calories. Put a towel over the numbers on the treadmill or elliptical. Don't let a number determine your mood. You obviously have good habits in place so this should not case you to backtrack in anyway. I think you will feel liberated.

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  3. It does help me to stop using MFP for a few days. I probably don't eat many more calories (if at all) than usual, but I quit thinking about it every waking moment. Right now, I am choosing to be in maintenance mode, even though I am probably ~25 lbs. away from where I eventually want to be. Remember you are in charge and you can decide to stop whatever is making you crazy. =)

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  4. I am in the process of trying to get through a struggle myself. I haven't been working out as hard, or eating things I know I should be. But lately, reminding myself how far I've come has helped. And I made a monthly goal chart of things I want to accomplish this month. February was a complete waste. A month with no progress and that has me determined to make march different. I found my motivation again by realizing that I don't want another month to go by with no progress!

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  5. I posted about this on my blog the other day. http://didireallysaythat.blogspot.com/2013/02/1906-will-i-ever-be-enough.html

    I worry that I am, no I know that I am self sabotaging because I can't figure out how to be the new me and I'm worried about trying to be the new me. It's definately a struggle.

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  6. Thanks for the advice and kind words, ladies!!! It helps alot!

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  7. oh I love checking out new blogs, thanks!!

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