Monday, December 8, 2014

Day 15 - Tetrad.

hello.  egg hotline.  I am calling to see the status of my dozen eggs.

you had four mature eggs.

escusez-moi.  but-buttttttt twelve eggs were retrieved yesterday.

yes, but unfortunately, you had a lot of eggs which weren't mature enough to be fertilized.  there is good news though.  all four did fertilize.

is that normal?

well, it's hard to say what normal is, but you did have a lot of immature eggs.

ok, thanks, bye.

......and that's how the conversation with the egg keeper went.  dang!

I must say, I am disappointed that my dozen yesterday has dwindled down to four.  At the same time, it is great news that all four fertilized (go, Tower!).  As I sit here and type this, I can't tell you what exact number I was aiming for because I don't know.  With IVF you want to strike a delicate balance of just enough.  If you create too many embryos, you'll be left with extras, and for me it would cause a moral dilemma of what to do with them.  Do you want to destroy them, donate them to science, or put them up for adoption?  And truthfully, I don't like the sound of any of those options. 

If you create too few, you don't have extras to freeze, and you would go through the whole egg retrieval process again if another IVF cycle is required.  For me, I would like a few spares because, if I am going to need another IVF cycle, and chances are I will, I'd rather preserve my 34 year old eggs.

The other thing is that all fertilized eggs do not make it to day three - aka transfer day (day 17 for me).  Many arrest, or in other words, stop dividing and are no longer viable.  

It's such a delicate balance.  One that you have absolutely no control over. 

For now I suppose I need to focus on the success of the four that I do have.  Go team!  I mean four is a good number.  four leafed clover.  four seasons. the beatles.  My doctor and my goal for this cycle was to transfer two embryos on transfer day.  That gives Tower and I our best chance.  And at this moment, there is no reason to believe that isn't still possible for us.   

It's time to let go, and let God. 

-nineteen eighty


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