I have a confession to make. My blog posts were not in real time; they were actually delayed by four days so when Tower and I found out, we would have time to digest the results before sharing them. We now know, that this cycle was unsuccessful. This is why I've skipped posting the past couple days. I had more I wanted to say - more material to cover - but it all seems pointless now.
To say the least I am to say the least, I am devastated. Mainly, it's hard to comprehend with no glaring fertility issues why two perfect embryos didn't make it. I want answers, but I know I won't get them. When the nurse called with the results, she told me to immediately stop taking the progesterone and that I should get my period. I am also to call and schedule an appointment for another nurse's talk, where we will discuss the game plan going forward. We briefly discussed over the phone that I will skip this cycle, and next cycle we will try to do a frozen embryo transfer with our two embryos on ice. I am happy that we have two to work with, but also nervous because these two were not "Cadillac" embryos like two implanted this time. And they also have to survive the thaw process.
The one thing that this news has reminded me is that I married a good man. And for that I am already blessed leaps and bounds. Tower immediately left work after learning the news. I was unaware he was headed home and was completely embarrassed when he found me fat girl consoling myself with Chinese takeout. He just held me and we talked about it - he told me he was sad too. We only had a couple hours to compose ourselves because we then had my work Christmas party to get fucking jolly for. Life goes on.
So that's it - for now anyways. There will be more to this journey. But for now, I just need a couple days to cry this one out. Then maybe I'll get to the topics I wanted to discuss and the lead up to next cycle. Then again, to be honest, I don't know if I will keep up with this blog or not.
I do look forward to getting my body back to it's normal operating level. The second thing I did after telling Tower was schedule a boot camp class. I need to shake off these six pounds I've gained through the process (the hormones really contribute to weight gain, never mind the holidays).
I've been absolutely touched by the support many of you have extended. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
-nineteen eighty & tower