Three days post transfer: the blastocyst begins to hatch out of its cell
Four days post transfer: the blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
Five days post transfer: the blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
I still feel like I am having period cramps.
Despite having a really nice weekend, I am struggling mentally. With the cost of all this, the last thing I should be doing is spending money. But my sister and I went for a spa day on Saturday and that night we did a casino night for Tower's birthday. A group of us headed out to the casino buffet and then ended the night at the roulette table. It felt so good to get dressed up and head out for a night on the town.
If you unfortunately ever have a friend that is going through something like this, the best thing you can offer them is to spend time with them. Distracting them with non-kid/baby activities. Saturday night was the best thing for me.
Sunday was a whole different story. I had nothing to do and my mind started to wander and I turned to the interwebs. I ended up having a breakdown and crying into Tower's chest. Gals, I don't really know how to explain it, but I just don't feel like I am going to have a positive outcome. Tower listens of course, and is supportive, but he is so annoyingly relaxed about the whole thing.
Me: If this doesn't work, it's going to be my fault because the embryos were perfect going in.
Tower: It is no bodies fault, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. We try again.
Me: This is so much pressure; having spent so much money.
Tower: At least we can afford to do it.
Me: True, but we can't afford to do it forever.
Me: I don't know if I can go through all those injections and appointments again.
Tower: We will get through it.
Me: We. Phish, you fucking cried bloody murder when I showed you a needle. Plus, you have no idea what it's like to surrender your body to all those foreign hormones. It's horrible. And I've gained 6 pounds!!
Me: Plus! My top three stress-freeing vices aren't available to me. No coffee, vodka, or exercise. I have no outlets. I have nothing! We haven't even had sex!
Tower: Do you want me to give up Starbucks?
Me: No - because you will hate your 1hour and 20 minute commute even more.
At least for Tower, everything seems so simple. In my mind it is not. It is constant. I am so thankful for my fertility discussing texting buddies Clare St. Clair and Curly-Q (both of which I've connected with through social media) who give me that extra sympathy I don't get from Tower. Honestly, lesbians are on to something. I am well aware that my statements to Tower were not all that rational - but, hell, that's just one other thing women understand. There are just certain times, such as anything dealing with the reproductive system, when we are granted, "get out of being rational free" cards.
Am I right?
Never underestimate the power of a good girlfriend. After all, I truly believe - it takes a village.