Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Day 23 - Pineapple pussy.

Six days post transfer: Implantation continues.

I still feel like I have period cramps.
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Tooooooooot Tooooooooooot!  If you are trying to get knocked-up hop on board the Pineapple Express!  When you are going through this process it is amazing what you will find via google and try.  For example, did you know pineapple allegedly is an aid to embryo implantation?  I just happen to  love pineapple so sure as shit on the day of my embryo transfer I cut myself a fresh one and have been gnawing on it every day since.

Apparently, I am not alone.  Blog commenter Jeanine left me a comment on transfer day suggesting the same and yesterday I got a text from Curly-Q regarding the fruit.

Curly-Q:  I feel crazy admitting to this, but I've been eating a chunk of pineapple core every night.  Have you heard anything about that?  It's supposed to help with implantation.

Me:  It's not crazy!  I did the same thing!!  I bought a fresh pineapple the day of transfer.

Curly-Q: Did you?!  I have my last core chunk tonight!

Me:  I sure did!  Sometimes I put chocolate syrup (and whipped cream and maraschino cherries)  on it to make it like a desert.  I am also keeping my feet warm with cabin socks.  Warm feet equal warm uterus.

This is what crazy ladies trying to make babies talk about.  If I was not trying to procreate and was reading this I would probably vomit in my mouth in annoyance while gurgling, I swear to God, I will never be like them.

If by chance you are still reading but not trying to make a baby - well, I have good news.  Pineapple still might be the fruit for you.  Especially, for those single gals, I still love to live vicariously through.  Rumor has it that pineapple can make your lady lips smell like a fruit bowl.  No shit!  In fact, there was a whole Kardashian episode dedicated to pineapple pussy.  Don't believe me, google that fun fact for yourself.

Now you know.

 - nineteen eighty

Monday, December 15, 2014

Day(s) 20, 21, 22 - Struggling.

Three days post transfer:  the blastocyst begins to hatch out of its cell

Four days post transfer:  the blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus

Five days post transfer:  the blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation

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I still feel like I am having period cramps. 

Despite having a really nice weekend, I am struggling mentally.  With the cost of all this, the last thing I should be doing is spending money.  But my sister and I went for a spa day on Saturday and that night we did a casino night for Tower's birthday.  A group of us headed out to the casino buffet and then ended the night at the roulette table.  It felt so good to get dressed up and head out for a night on the town. 

If you unfortunately ever have a friend that is going through something like this, the best thing you can offer them is to spend time with them.  Distracting them with non-kid/baby activities.  Saturday night was the best thing for me.

Sunday was a whole different story.  I had nothing to do and my mind started to wander and I turned to the interwebs.  I ended up having a breakdown and crying into Tower's chest.  Gals, I don't really know how to explain it, but I just don't feel like I am going to have a positive outcome.  Tower listens of course, and is supportive, but he is so annoyingly relaxed about the whole thing.

Me: If this doesn't work, it's going to be my fault because the embryos were perfect going in.
Tower:  It is no bodies fault, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen.  We try again.

Me: This is so much pressure; having spent so much money.
Tower:  At least we can afford to do it.
Me:  True, but we can't afford to do it forever.

Me:  I don't know if I can go through all those injections and appointments again.
Tower: We will get through it.
Me:  We.  Phish, you fucking cried bloody murder when I showed you a needle.  Plus, you have no idea what it's like to surrender your body to all those foreign hormones.  It's horrible.  And I've gained 6 pounds!!

Me:  Plus!  My top three stress-freeing vices aren't available to me.  No coffee, vodka, or exercise.  I have no outlets.  I have nothing!  We haven't even had sex!
Tower:  Do you want me to give up Starbucks?
Me:  No - because you will hate your 1hour and 20 minute commute even more.

At least for Tower, everything seems so simple.  In my mind it is not.  It is constant.  I am so thankful for my fertility discussing texting buddies Clare St. Clair and Curly-Q (both of which I've connected with through social media) who give me that extra sympathy I don't get from Tower.  Honestly, lesbians are on to something.  I am well aware that my statements to Tower were not all that rational - but, hell, that's just one other thing women understand.  There are just certain times, such as anything dealing with the reproductive system, when we are granted, "get out of being rational free" cards.  

Am I right?

Never underestimate the power of a good girlfriend.  After all, I truly believe - it takes a village.

-nineteen eighty




Friday, December 12, 2014

Day 19 - Morons.


Two days post transfer: The cells of the morula (Mulberry) continue to divide, developing into a blastocyst.
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Another pitfall of this process is dealing with the morons that be billers and insurance companies.  I have BCBS and Tower has Cigna.  Mine offers absolutely no fertility treatment assistance but Tower's offers some; albeit not substantial.  So I have been very clear that my primary insurance should not be billed and instead go straight to my secondary, Tower's (yes, we are paying out the wazoo and carry two family insurance plans).  I told this to both the financial counselor we met with and the lady who takes my billing paper work after each appointment.  And guess what, they still fucked it up.  I received a bill today for "non-covered services" because they only ran my claim through BCBS.  It's so fucking irritating.  I can't tell you how many phone calls I've made dealing with the insurance companies to even understand our coverage, get pre-approved, and I've even had to track down two-instances of getting charged inaccurately because things were coded wrong. 

The bill was for $842 and was for my first ultrasound and blood work monitoring during stimulation.  $842!  I went back and counted I had a total of four ultrasound/blood work combos and two additional just blood work appointments ($342 each) while prepping for the egg retrieval.  Shit!  You can really see how this adds up fast!  I still don't know what our portion will be because as evidenced by the bill I received today, they haven't run anything through our Cigna benefits yet. For more information on potential total cost click here.

I was able to remedy today's issue with a quick call but I would almost bet my life that I am going to have to make that same call for every billing instance.  It's sucks to have no faith in a system, especially, when it's such a stressful and important thing.

-nineteen eighty




Thursday, December 11, 2014

Day 18 - TWW.

And so the dreaded two week wait (commonly referred to as TWW) to determine if this cycle worked begins.  Many in the community consider this part the worst part of the process.  The waiting, wondering, hyper-analyzing and over-googling.  I am at the beginning of my wait and I've already done some version of all four. 

I still have period cramps, they are pretty constant which I find annoying because A) I want to go back to feeling normal and B) I want to "listen" to my body for any indicators.  From what I've read, I found that I might-as-well throw any analyzing out the window.  I am still recovering form the egg retrieval and taking progesterone supplements both of which can both mimic and mask any pregnancy symptoms.

I did find a timeline of what my embryo(s) are up to if they have in fact decided to go forth and prosper.  This timeline would also apply to a three day embryo achieved through a natural pregnancy.

One day post transfer:  The embryo continues to grow and develop, turning from a 6 - 8 cell embryo into a morula. 

I searched "morula" on the interwebs and I didn't understand an ounce of what I was reading other than morula was Latin for mulberry because that's what it resembles.  So I guess for now I'll just have to visualize a little mulberry getting cozy in my belly. 

-nineteen eighty


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